Failure Makes You Weaker. Here's How to Reverse It.

"Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm."

Photo by Riccardo: Pexels

Here’s something I haven’t talked about a lot. 

Last year, my grandmother was diagnosed with severe dementia. We took her from one care facility to another until we found a place that kept her. She had aggressive outbursts and, during one of them, tried to push another elderly lady down the stairs.

Two months later, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Fortunately, she caught it early, but it still wasn’t the easiest of experiences. She has 3 more rounds of chemo to go. 

I had big professional goals for 2023. BIG, I tell you.

Some of them succeeded. Most of them failed.

Failure sucks. It doesn’t matter that I have “an excuse” for failing. It doesn’t matter that I’ve done most of my work on my phone, waiting out front of doctors’ offices.

The feeling of failure is powerful beyond reasoning. It can easily beat you to the ground.

Only I won’t let it. I won’t let it beat me, and I won’t let it beat you.

Secret to Success: Deal with failure like a badass, and you’ll win. 

In this newsletter: 

• The first thing everyone should know about failure (if they want to achieve success ever). 

• What’s the natural brain response to failure? 

• Failure makes you weaker, according to research. 

• Big solopreneurs’ failures. 

• Here’s how winners deal with failures (science-proved). This one is for paid subscribers only. 

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In my next e-mail, learn the three types of offers every solopreneur should have if they want to build a sustainable business (and make a lot of money). 

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The first thing everyone should know about failure (if they want to achieve success ever). 

You don’t have to go through my mind of drama to feel like a failure. Sometimes, it’s in the smallest things. 

• Failing to complete your to-do list

• Receiving a bad review or a bad comment

• Publishing your writing and getting no readers or comments

• Losing or missing out on a client

• Making less money than your target

• Not growing your audience as fast as you want

• Feeling confused about what to do next

Failure is highly subjective. In general, it is the state or condition of not meeting or achieving a target as planned; essentially, it is a lack of success.

Which means it happens a lot. 

The first thing everyone should know about failure is how common it is. It is a normal, everyday part of life. We all just have different thresholds for it. 

If your subconscious can accept failure as a normal part of life, that’s the moment real success becomes a possibility. 

What’s the natural brain response to failure?

Failure sets off a chain of events and chemicals in the brain. These chemicals activate feelings such as disappointment, fear, and embarrassment.

When we win, our brains release endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin, which motivate us to do the same thing again. When we fail, our brains release cortisol, which makes us want to avoid the situation.

Neurologist Judy Willis, MD, shares that “neuroimaging studies reveal…. that in the high-stress state, scans reveal less activity in the higher, reflective brain and more activity in the lower, reactive brain that directs involuntary behaviours and emotional responses.”

Most people never start their businesses or give up way too soon because they haven’t worked on their relationship with failure. Since running a business is outside the common professional path, it requires failure. If you can’t control the feelings failure creates, then they control you. 

In fact… 

Failure makes you weaker, according to research.

Sorry to break it to you, but what doesn’t kill you actually makes you weaker, according to research.

“When animals, be them tadpole or human, win at something, their brains release testosterone and dopamine. With time and repetition, this signal morphs the brain’s structure and chemical configuration to make successful animals smarter, better trained, more confident and more likely to succeed in the future. Biologists call it the Winner Effect.

The not-yet-named Loser Effect is equally cyclical. In one study, monkeys who made a mistake in a trial — even after mastering the task on par with other monkeys — later performed worse than monkeys who made no mistakes. “In other words,” explains Scientific American, they were “thrown off by mistakes instead of learning from them.” Some research similarly suggests that failure can impede concentration, thereby sabotaging future performance. Students arbitrarily told they failed compared to their peers later displayed worse reading comprehension.”

Doesn’t sound good, does it? And yet, some people master failure and don’t let it stop them. 

Big solopreneurs’ failures.

Tim Denning’s first attempt to sell an online course resulted in 2 sales, even though he had over 100K online followers across multiple platforms.

Tim shared in a recent webinar this made him feel embarrassed and discouraged. He refunded the buyers and re-examined his career. Good thing he bounced back — we all have something to learn from him.

Michael Simmons, currently among the most successful Substackers, had to give up his first business — one he built with his wife — because he just couldn’t make it work financially. 

Dan Koe failed at 4 businesses before he became who he is today ( a solopreneur who closed on a $ 4 million year in 2023). He tried to make money with fitness videos, photography, ads management and dropshipping before arriving at the right “station”. 

Tom Kuegler, a big LinkedIn & Medium persona and a 6-figure writer, recently shared on social media that in 2023, he made half of what he usually makes.

Everyone fails. So why do some people deal with failure and proceed to major success while others struggle and give up?

Here’s how winners deal with failures (science-proved)