Not Confident? Let's Fix That.
Confidence defines your life.
Confidence defines your life.
Read that again.
Some studies even suggest that confidence is more important than ability.
Take this fascinating research, for example.
In 2011, research psychologist Zachary Estes was investigating how male and female confidence levels affect results. In a series of 500 spatial puzzles, men outscored women. Crucially though, Zachary found that the women had done poorly because there were a number of questions that were unattempted. When the experiment was repeated under the caveat that all questions had to be attempted, the women’s results matched the men’s, with a noticeable increase. Sure, this was used to illustrate gender differences in confidence, but it’s telling that achievement was measurably increased once some kind of forced confidence was included.
Another study concluded that “self-confidence acts as a predictor of academic performance.”
Confidence helps you:
Take the risks you need to succeed.
Learn the skills you need to succeed (because you believe you have the capacity).
Have a sense of control over your outcomes (you know you can achieve what you set out to achieve).
Understand your strengths & use them.
Yet, most people struggle with confidence. 80% of millennials say they don’t feel good enough, and the trend gets worse with every generation.
Here are specific ways in which seeing yourself as not good enough messes up your one-person business:
You’re afraid to start posting on social media.
You’re afraid to start selling products.
You’re afraid to start a newsletter.
You don’t believe you can get exactly what you want, so you do other things you’re not sure you want.
You’re trying to prove your worth to others instead of focusing on what makes you happy.
You’re afraid to experiment because what if you mess it all up (which you believe you probably will).
You’re easily distracted by shiny objects.
You’ve lost touch with your inner voice.
You price your products or services too low or work for free.
Every failure feels like a confirmation of what you know.
Every success feels like a fluke.
Today, I aim to help you deal with the confidence problem fast. Which I totally believe is possible.
Secret to Success: Build Irrefutable Confidence
What we’ll cover in this newsletter.
The confidence secret that will change your perspective.
3 sneaky ways in which lack of confidence affects your day-to-day life.
How to gain irrefutable confidence faster (for paid subscribers only).
The confidence secret that will change your perspective.
Most of you think about confidence the wrong way.
Maybe you see it as a secret superpower bestowed upon the ones who achieve amazing success? Because they have a reason to be confident.
Yet, many successful people struggle because they don’t feel good enough for their success. When your inner perception of yourself doesn’t match the outside world, the discrepancy leads to serious mental health problems. If self-worth came with success, we wouldn’t be hearing stories like the ones of Matthew Perry, Robin Williams, Anthony Bourdain, and so many others.
Maybe you see it like a magical potion you should drink in childhood, and if you don’t, then that’s it. You can never be as confident as the kids who did.
Yet, you’re not a child anymore.
Back then, your brain soaked up the beliefs and routines of your closest people because the brain craves structure.
But one day, you started seeing problems with what they showed you, didn’t you? We all do. Sooner or later, we all realize we want to be different from the people we were raised to be, in some way.
And we start to struggle because we don’t realize this:
It’s easy. That’s the big secret.
Confidence is easy. Changing yourself is easy. It’s MUCH easier than you think.
I’m not saying achieving results will be easy. That will require some work.
But the confidence to approach this work as a badass? EASY.
You’re not a kid anymore. You have full control over your life, and you can change everything about it.
Starting with the perception of who you are.
Because, and this is an important one:
Who you are = who you want to be.
That’s always the case.
It’s just that sometimes:
Who you try to be while you’re trying to make others happy ≠ who you want to be.
But who you are, deep inside, is always at least the seed of who you really want to be.
So stop blaming your parents. Stop blaming circumstances. Stop blaming anyone and anything.
And decide, right now, to be irrefutably confident. That’s all it takes—everything else we discuss will help facilitate that decision.
Practical advice:
Ask yourself this question every morning:
What would I do today if I was irrefutably confident?
3 sneaky ways in which lack of confidence affects your day-to-day life.
#1. Negative Self-Talk
Most of us don’t hear how negative we are towards ourselves. We either don’t hear it at all, or we consider it a joke. Something “normal.”
I’ve been struggling to lose weight for years. Last year, as I was about to try yet another program, I messaged a health coach. I said:
“I’ve been struggling to lose weight for years. I’ve tried all kinds of programs, and I always fail.
The reason I’m writing this message is that I know I will fall off the wagon sooner or later. I always start strong, but I don’t have the willpower to keep going. I was wondering if you could help me, tell me a mantra or something that I can repeat to myself when I feel like I’ll fail?”
The coach messaged me back with a single line that changed my life. She said:
“I see you suffer from a lot of negative self-talk.”
When I first read that, I was like, WHAT?! Me??
Good thing the conversation happened in writing. All I had to do was scroll up a bit, and I saw it.
… I always fail…
…Losing weight is difficult…
…I’m not disciplined…
After that talk, I lost 10 pounds almost effortlessly.
Not only that, but I started noticing more negative self-talk regarding other areas of my life.
Making it online is too difficult.
I don’t have the skills.
I’ll never make that much money.
Sounds familiar?
“Words matter. And the words that matter most are the ones you say to yourself.”― David Taylor-Klaus
#2. It doesn’t really matter
Followers don’t matter. They don’t pay the bills.
Money doesn’t matter. It can’t buy happiness.
Others’ opinions don’t matter. I can do whatever I want.
Umm… What does matter, then?
You know the story of The Fox and The Grapes, right? Here it is, in case you don’t.
This seems like it should be an obvious bias for any grown-up, but that’s the thing about biases. They keep us blind to our self-deception.
A good way to uncover a bias like this is to finish this sentence: “I know I should …., but I don’t, even though I could.”
I know I should post on social media, but I don’t, even though I could.
I know I should write more often, but I don’t, even though I could.
I know I should start a newsletter, but I don’t, even though I could.
The real reason you don’t do these things is that you don’t think you’re good enough to make them work. Your brain protects you from that harsh “truth” with “It doesn’t matter.”
Look, little fox. You can get the grapes if you just try a little harder. It’ll hurt, but you can do it.
#3. Maybe someday
“Someday is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you.” ~Tim Ferriss
Most solopreneurs are action-takers. It's one of the things I love about them.
So when they hear “you shouldn’t say someday”, they’re like PFF, I know that!
But they have a dirty little secret. I certainly did, for years.
Just because we’re doers doesn’t mean we do the things we want to do.
Often, we do a lot to distract ourselves until that “someday” comes when we’ll be able to do exactly what we want to do.
You want to become a thought leader who’s featured on Forbes? Start reading Forbes, reading research and pondering new ideas. Now.
You want to have someone e-mail you with a book deal offer? Start working on getting those followers up.
You want to be a millionaire? Learn marketing. Learn what people want and create it for them.
Always think about the now.
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How to gain irrefutable confidence faster.
People can feel when you’re confident, and they’re instantly attracted. Since I’ve decided to show up confidently online, I’ve attracted opportunities I could only dream of before.
I know that the moment you start approaching your business with irrefutable confidence, the energy around you will shift, and amazing things will happen.
So why postpone this moment? Let’s get there faster.
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