
75% of people can’t relax.
As in, they’ll have a shitty day, and they’ll just keep grinding.
Isn’t that heartbreaking?
Who on Earth told you that you’re only valuable when you push as hard as possible?
Look, if you want to make it as a solopreneur, that can’t happen. You can’t not relax.
I know everyone tells you that online business is a volume game, and you need to post on all the platforms 87358263962 times a day.
But don’t fool yourself. Even the people who adopt this strategy don’t win because of this strategy. They win because they learn how to create good content.
And if they want to do it by treating their mind as perpetuo mobile, fine.
But maybe that’s not your way. I know it’s not my way.
I create good content when I’m relaxed. And it’s not just me.
SO MANY researches prove that relaxation leads to having:
More & better ideas
More energy
More motivation, leading to higher productivity
High confidence, which attracts people like nothing else
And if you think these are “nice-to-haves”, you’re wrong.
These are absolute musts if you want to find yourself, find your voice and find your audience.
So. Let’s talk about relaxation a little.
Secret to Success: Give yourself a break.
In this newsletter:
Let go of expectations. Here’s how.
Let go of guilt. Here’s how.
Let go of non-important tasks. Here’s how.
How to unlock Alpha & Tetha's states of mind — the states of mind where you’re most creative.
Let go of expectations.
The first reason you can’t relax is that you expect yourself — and maybe others expect of you — to approach your business or career a certain way.
We live in a culture of busyness.
The culture of busyness refers to the pressure society places on individuals to constantly be active and productive, frequently at the price of their relationships and personal well-being.
The result? Our brains and nervous systems live in a constant state of vigilance, worry, and stimulation.
Neuroscientists have a name for this “always on” brain state. It’s called the Beta state.
The Beta state has a powerful, self-sustaining, momentum to it. It’s a lot like a fly wheel: once it gets going, it’s almost impossible to stop.
What if you stop expecting yourself to:
Do everything other successful solopreneurs say you should do. Find your way. Also, remember many top solopreneurs use help (VAs, freelancers, etc.)
Post as much as humanly possible because you heard you can only get traction with a lot of writing. As Lenny Rachitsky says, people don’t want more e-mails; they want better e-mails. It applies to articles and SM posts, too.
Get other people’s approval. Opinions are only opinions. They determine nothing — especially if it’s the opinions of people who don’t understand what it’s like to be a solopreneur.
Have all the answers. Sometimes, making the right decision takes longer than you thought, and that’s okay! Many solos are running around, doing way too much because they haven’t stopped to consider what they really want or need to do. Stop, relax, and let the answer come.
Be an employee of the year on your day job. I quit my day job way too early because I couldn’t fathom how people could combine a day job with solopreneurship. Now, I know what was wrong. I was insanely devoted to my job; then, I felt bad about not showing up 100% for my business. If you want to prioritize your business, leave your job on time and forget about it once you’re gone.
Let go of guilt.
Why do you feel guilty when you relax, even though you know relaxation is good for you?
Because you don’t really know it. You can’t know it, because your guilt prevents you from experiencing it. Knowing things on a conscious level has nothing to do with knowing them on a physical & emotional level.
It’s time to learn the value of relaxation by taking action:
See relaxation as part of the work. Which it is. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Schedule relaxation. If it’s a part of the work, then it needs to be on your schedule.
Take regular breaks. Then, you’ll see relaxation as a habit, as something normal. This will take a while to get wired into your brain — but don’t stop relaxing!
Don’t compare yourself to others. Everyone’s definition of success is different. I’d rather make high six figures and work 2–4 hours daily than make millions and work nonstop.
Learn how to relax the right way. There are different levels of relaxation, and while it’s okay to watch a little TV or play your favourite phone game sometimes, if you want to get the big benefits of relaxation, you should learn how to do it right. Then you’d never feel guilty about it.
Let go of non-important tasks.
Prioritization is a popular buzzword, but if you’re not relaxing, you’re probably not great at prioritizing.
The biggest mistake I see solopreneurs make when they prioritize is that they say NO to nothing.
They move things around in order of importance, but at the end of the day, their to-do lists are just as long, and they’re just as stressed.
Here are a few mental hacks that will help you prioritize better:
Inversion thinking. What is the one thing that can fail you? For me, it’s not sending out this newsletter. Everything else — X, LinkedIn, Medium, my clients — is something I can say NO to as my goals and circumstances shift. If I stop running my newsletter, that’s when I know I’ve failed. And I won’t stop.
Build boundaries with people. You don’t have to answer the phone just because it’s ringing. You don’t have to reply to that message or e-mail right away. You don’t have to say yes to a meeting, a project you don’t like or an outing you’re not excited about.
Listen to the right voice in your own head. Turn the volume up on the voice that says you’re good enough without working yourself into the ground. To the other voices, say, “Thank you for contributing,” say, “You’re my trauma, not the real me,” and move on.
If you’ve been procrastinating on an important task for a while, and it’s been bugging you, use the “clearing the decks” strategy. It means assigning a particular task to be the only one you work on for an entire day. If you can’t spare an entire day, give it at least a few hours so you know you can focus on it and do it right.
How to unlock Alpha & Tetha states of mind — the states where you’re most creative.
Alpha is a state of wakeful relaxation associated with increased alpha wave activity. When electroencephalograms show a brain wave pattern of 9 to 12 cycles per second, the subject is said to be in an alpha state, usually described as relaxed, peaceful, or floating.
We often call the Alpha state of mind “flow state.” That’s when you can focus on a single problem, you feel engaged with your work, and ideas “just come to you.”
Theta waves ((4–8 Hz) are strong during meditation, prayer, and spiritual practices. This is the state between wakefulness and sleep.
This state isn’t common in awake adults but it’s perfectly normal in children up to 13 years old. It is also normal during sleep.
Accessing the Theta State allows you to unlock your subconscious, the source of creativity and intuition. It enables you to unleash your creative potential and generate innovative ideas.
Disclaimer: obviously, you can’t live and work in those states constantly. Most of us operate in Beta and Gamma states, which are associated with a high focus, conscious learning and effective communication.
However, if you never get your mind in Alpha and Theta states, there’s no way you’ll ever be as creative and innovative as you can be.
Here’s how to relax to unlock Alpha and Theta states.
Do yoga, especially yoga nidra. A lot of scientific evidence shows that this tool has the power to decrease anxiety and stress, while simultaneously promoting elevated mood and a mindset of creativity. It’s perfect for unlocking an Alpha state of mind.
Close your eyes. You’re often in Alpha as soon as you close your eyes. Awake with closed eyes gets one to alpha as long as the focus is relaxed and inward.
Listen to familiar, repetitive music, ideally without lyrics (techno, trance and classical music are all excellent options).
4–7–8 breathing gets you into Alpha state (also, do it if you feel you’re getting angry). Close your mouth and inhale through your nose for 4 seconds. Hold your breath for 7 seconds. Exhale from your mouth over 8 seconds, making an audible “woosh” sound. Repeat four or more times.
Go for a walk. Long walks alone often unlock half-meditative states that can get you into Alpha. I’ve solved some of the biggest dilemmas of my life during walks.
Meditate. By practising meditation regularly, you can train your brain to enter the Theta state more easily.
Guided hypnosis is also perfect for a Theta state. You can choose a free one from YouTube.
Drink water or tea. Alpha and Theta states of mind require a hydrated body.
Now that you know how to be the best version of you, go be it.
Or rather, stop go-go-going and be it.
Thank you for reading & happy solopreneuring.
I go walking every day, and they're STILL underrated in my mind.
I keep forgetting that it's not just about fresh air.
It helps with muscles, it helps with emotions, it helps with creativity...
This reminds me of Aristotle's views on work, relaxation, and leisure. Leisure being engaging in activity solely for the virtue of pursuing it. That's where happiness, satisfaction, and a flow state can be achieved. But it first requires a separation from work. Either a discrete break, or a transition from work to relaxation to leisure, to allow for a virtuous flow state and enjoyment in the process to be experienced. I don't believe that being "wide open" all day everyday is sustainable, or even desirable. Maybe I am a bit of a bum anymore, but I like to take the time to enjoy the world. Not so much hitting goals, as living in the process. And that takes a little disconnect now and again.